Why We Can't
by EightofSwords
Summary: Yet another retelling of the infamous R breakup. The focus of this story is on the emotions of Darien and Serena throughout the whole messy ordeal. Sacrifice’s blade always leaves infection.
1. This Is Why

A/N: I'n reposting this story because when I put it up on for the first time, I didn't know much about uploading documents, and the format this story was in was less than pleasing. So, with the wisdom and knowledge I have gained from my, uh, three months' worth of experience on I am resposting the stoy in a more aesthetically pleasing way.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon. But neither do you! BWAHAHAHA!

* * *

**Why We Can't**

Chapter One: This Is Why

* * *

_"Why?"_

He was drowning in the limpid blue of her eyes, gasping for air; he was drowning in her, but it was her eyes that were drowning in tears.

_"We can't."_

He closed his eyes shut tight and pushed her away; he felt as though he were pushing her off a cliff. He could hear her scream slicing through his head, but he had to – he had to! Why couldn't she see that!

_"But I need you! Darien!"_

Her whispers were a scream. Her tears were acid, scalding his skin; her words were a salve; but he had to keep on cutting. This bone had to be severed and the wound burnt, completely, for it to heal. He would not let her hurt longer than she had to.

_"Leave."_

_"Darien…!"_

_"Leave now, Serena."_

_"But…Endymion…"_

It was Serenity entreating him now – oh, God. He screwed his eyes shut tighter, stamping down the fresh flood of emotion that name had undammed. He couldn't afford to drown…

_"I don't love you anymore, Serenity." _Her sharp inhalation. _"Just leave."_

**_Crack_. **

A star fell from the heavens. It clattered down to the floor beside Darien's feet, a tear splashing down beside it. Then she was gone, as quickly as in the nightmare…the only thing left as proof of her presence were the tears…the tears and the broken locket.

He gulped back a sob and fell to his knees beside the shattered symbol. He did not rise.

* * *

_"You can't mean it…Endymion…Darien…why? Why?"_

Her slumbering screams shredded his soul as he clutched the tree trunk. Why had he come here? This was hell; he was committing suicide over and over again by coming here every night and watching her through her window.

The stars glared down at him. He could feel their baleful stares burning down into his back, condemning him for what he had done to her. They didn't know that he was hurting from this, too. They didn't know his real reason – they didn't know why he was doing this. No one did. Not even him, really. _Why_ was he putting the both of them through so much pain? Because of some damned dreams!

He ripped off the white mask and swore, trying to expel these feelings from his body. But they just poured out and pooled around him, like blood, and he was slowly drowning in their salty taste. His gloved hands rose up to cover his damp, flushed face. Even here, alone in the middle of the night, he was trying to hide what he felt from the world.

This was for her. It was for Serena. He just had to keep telling himself that. He couldn't let her star be extinguished just because he couldn't bear the black hole he himself was becoming. He would go through death for her….even if it meant a living death.

* * *

The tinted visor hid his eyes from her as she trudged to school, an hour earlier than usual. He was grateful for this shield, because he didn't think he could stand what she would do if she saw him. 

She sensed his gaze anyways, as he had known she would. She half-turned, her hair streaming over her shoulder and shrouding her face like a golden veil, and bloodshot blue eyes raked listlessly across the street. A split-second before she could meet his eyes, he turned his head, and revved the motorcycle, speeding away.

* * *

She was transforming. He stood abruptly, his chair toppling with a crash to the floor behind him. The dozens of eyes that swung up to watch in shock as he dashed out of the room were ignored. 

His cape trailed out behind him as he pounded across the rooftops. The afternoon wind dug its fingers into his cape and yanked, trying to wrench him back, keep him away from her. _You made a vow, Son of Earth._

But this was different. This was danger.

Lights exploded somewhere. Superimposed over his own senses, he could feel the sudden tenseness in her muscles, the fear scrabbling for purchase in her throat, the breath of superheated air as the youma's attack burned towards her.

He dove.

Her hair caressed his face as he swept her up out of the attack's path. The ball of fire meant for her collided with the tree she had been standing in front of, and the explosion it caused sent a billow of thick black smog mushrooming past them. His heart skipped. _Oh, God. That could have been her._

Her arms trembled around him, with fear, with relief, with love. He shrugged them off, taking a step away from her as they landed on a rooftop, and averted his eyes to keep himself from seeing hers and her from seeing his. To look through that kaleidoscope would only break both of their illusions.

Her hair – so long – still tangled around his neck from when he had held her. It was silk, a silken noose, drawing him in. Her eyes like blue black holes… He knew it meant death, but he couldn't maintain this act any longer…_NO!_

He tore away from her, shooting off into the sky like a shooting star in reverse. Did that mean someone's wish would be un-granted?

His already had.

* * *

A warm evening breeze brushed past him, tugging at his mask. He sat still as a statue on the branch, watching her pale face, traversing the tear trails with his eyes. She was curled up like a shriveled autumn leaf about to fall from the tree, shivering. He wanted to warm her, but he could offer her no comfort, no respite from her dreams. He couldn't even fight his own. 

_This is why…we can't, Serena._

* * *

A storm. The raindrops clung to the umbrella, like perfect little pearls. He could remember what this water had looked like on her eyelashes, when they had been out in spring showers, and she had clung to him like those raindrops, clutching him tighter with every clap of thunder. The happiness had been electrifying. Oh, God, he had loved those thunderstorms.

* * *

Gold. Gold rivers. Being dyed red…red with blood… 

Sweat coursed down his cheeks, his back, in runnels on his shoulders, dampening his pillows, his hair. Tortured gasps escaped his heaving chest and mouth as he staggered like a drunken man to the balcony, wrenching open the glass doors to let in the cool air.

It was still night.

He stared at nothing, seeing nothing, only the white-hot of pain as the wind gradually wiped the tears from his flesh. Eventually, there was only one moistness left on his skin…

He opened his clenched fists. Droplets of blood spattered on the smooth spotless cement; something hard and golden and jagged clattered to the floor.

It was still silent.

* * *

A/N: There it is, another depressing little one-shot that I did because I was bored – and too lazy to write something longer and more complex. (Depressing pieces are horribly easy to write.) sigh I'm too lazy. Anyway, once I get some reviews on this fic, I might add a bit of plot to it…tell me if you want me to keep it short and sad, or actually give it a storyline. 

P.S. Sorry if my writing doesn't sound entirely coherent. I've got a touch of fever, and it's really late.


	2. This Is Why Not

A.N: Continuation of R breakup, this is the previous chapter watched through Serena's eyes. Remember the episode in which Sailor Moon covered Rini with her body to protect her from the Black Moon and was told by Rubeus that she wasn't in the future. It is his words, not the episode's events, that are significant here.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon. No wonder it's so easy for me to write depressing stories.

* * *

**Why We Can't**

Chapter Two: This Is Why Not

* * *

_"Why?"_ She could feel hot tears splashing onto her cheeks. His blue eyes were so dark, so cold, like a stormy ocean. What had she done?

_"We can't."_ Those words, like a knife, digging under her heart with an icy blade that stole her breath. She reached out with a trembling hand, then felt her heart shatter as he shoved it away. She gasped, vision blurring.

_"But I need you! Darien!"_

Her shoulders shook with tears; she hated herself for being such a baby in front of him. She hid her face as more sobs wracked her body. Why was he doing this?

_"Leave."_

His voice, so cold. She lifted her head, not bothering to wipe the tears from her eyes or her cheeks. Her throat burned.

_"Darien…!"_

She flinched from his emotionless gaze, like two bits of ice. Her throat sealed up. There was no more to say.

_"Leave now, Serena."_

But…in her frozen state, Serena felt a fresh anguish well up in her. Her lips parted before she could realize what she was doing; a voice that was her own and not her own cried out:

_"Endymion!"_

Serenity, calling out. Serena squeezed her eyes shut tight, hoping against hope…maybe Serenity could do what Serena could not. Maybe she would remind Darien what they were – what they had been.

She saw his eyes flicker. Her heart jumped to her throat. But then his face hardened, his lips moved.

"_I don't love you anymore, Serenity."_

She sucked in a breath, trying to soothe the gaping wound that he had just gouged in her chest. His words were salt.

_"Just leave."_

A cry tore from her lips. Her fingers dropped the golden object she had been desperately clutching like a good-luck charm. It fell to the floor between them with a clatter, and she ran.

* * *

_"It hurts…"_ The words seeped into her pillow with her tears. She buried her head further, trying to muffle her crying. Maybe if she could drown out the sound of her tears, she could drown out the pain. _"Darien…why?"_ She hiccoughed. _"Why can't we…?"_

Her ragged gasps eventually died away with the sunset, slipping her into a feverish sleep. The stars slowly emerged, glinting with tears in sympathy of her desolation.

A full moon ascended into the heavens, and sent down fingers of moonlight to caress her tearstained face. She moaned. Her breath began to quicken, and she tossed and turned under the blanket. No moonlight could soothe what the Earth's son had hurt.

_"You can't mean it…Endymion… _" Her eyes darted frantically beneath her eyelids, as she chased after him in the Sandman's realm. _"Darien…why? **Why**?"_ Her voice trailed off to a sob.

Blonde hair swirled as she bolted up in bed, eyes wide and streaming. Shivering in her nightgown, she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. Back and forth, she rocked herself, back and forth, bloodshot blue eyes staring into the night shadows.

She had always felt like a flower in his arms. He was as unshakable, as immovable and invincible, as the earth that he was Guardian of, wrapping around her with the promise never to let go, never to let her be torn away, no matter how viciously the winds may blow. His gaze had been like sunlight, and she had stretched out to bask in his warmth.

But then the cloud had come.

* * *

The sun peeked tentatively over the horizon, washing the sky with a tangerine glow. She shivered slightly, unaccustomed to the early-morning mist that hung in the streets. Her pace, already at a snail's speed, slowed further, and she warily glanced out of the corner of her eyes. A small, sad smile curved her lips.

_Do you think that I can't see you?_

The tears she had cried had not blinded her. Goosebumps still followed the trail of his eyes across her skin.

_I can still feel you. What is this game that you're playing?_

A flash of color; she lifted a finger to pull the curtain of hair from her eyes, but the motorcycle revved and sped away in a blur of black, snatching her hope away with it.

* * *

A single flutter of a butterfly's wings could start a tsunami, or so her science book informed her. The thought forced her to bite her lip and wonder…did she do something to drive him away? Was she too loud? Too stupid? Too whiny?

_I'm not perfect…but I thought you didn't care…_

* * *

Another youma. A sigh escaped her lips as she dove out of the way of another grenade. She just wanted to be back in bed, huddled in her blankets, pretending that they were his arms around her. And yet, at the same time, she was relieved to have an excuse not to remain curled up and vulnerable to the relentless onslaught of nightmares.

But what was the use? What did it matter? Her whole life had become a nightmare, anyway – he didn't love her.

Her legs buckled with the weight of that statement, knocking her to her knees. Her stinging eyes focused on the grenade now speeding toward her. Her body froze. Her heart was ice.

_"Sailor Moon!"_

She heard the scream dimly, as though from a very long distance away. Her stomach flipped. Hands encircled her waist, pulling her back against a chest. Warmth seeped through her like syrup. Her stomach flipped again. She heard harsh breathing. Saw his blank mask. Felt his pulse throbbing beneath her wrists.

She stared at him, her lips pressed together to imprison the sobs that tried to tear free of her throat. She did not dare to speak, did not dare to move.

His footfalls echoed like gunshots in the stillness as he stepped away from her. Like gunshots to her heart. She closed her eyes to conceal the pain, wishing, for the first time, that she had a mask like his to hide behind.

She heard him leap away. By the time her eyes opened, he was nothing more than a dark shape blotting out stars as he bounded across the rooftops.

* * *

A deadened feeling smothered her as she slid back under her blankets; why did it feel like she was slipping into her own coffin? Her body trembled with the thought. Her fingers itched with the absence of the locket, her ears straining to hear the melody that wasn't there. Her heart groping outwards in the darkness for someone who wasn't there.

She could feel his presence lingering on the edge of her ragged mind, like a cobweb that had escaped spring cleaning. But for all the anguish it caused her, despite all the serrated memories it evoked, she couldn't brush it away. Instead, she snatched it and clasped it close.

Something rustled outside her window. She barely heard. The cobweb was warm, lulling her into an uneasy slumber.

_Darien…_

* * *

April showers bring May flowers. Rain pounded down on her neck as she trudged through the gardens and planted bleeding hearts.

She reached a bench and collapsed. The water dripped down her skin like the sweat that poured down her body after her nightmares. Thunder crashed, threatening to split the very sky in two.

She didn't flinch. Her friends would have fainted from shock. Thunder had always terrified her, before.

But now, what was there to be scared of? The event she had feared most had already come to pass. And now… thunder brought back memories of her, huddling in his protective embrace, his breath tickling her ear as he murmured reassuring words to her…those times had been _wonderful_.

How could she have hated those thunderstorms?

* * *

Her mouth tasted sour as she bolted up in bed, whimpering and pressing her pillow against her face to smother the scream that clawed at her throat. That taste in her mouth, so salty – had that truly been her own blood she'd been tasting, as her life slowly melted away? It had been such a wonderful dream…until the cloud came.

Tiny hiccoughs quaked her body; tears coated her face; she swiped them away hurriedly, almost in a panic, for they felt too much like the red liquid from her dream.

_I've seen the future…_

_…and you're not in it!_

She choked on a sob, her arms clutching around herself convulsively. Her limbs trembled violently. She would die. She felt it in her bones, felt it as vividly as she had felt the blood streaming out of her lips, down her face.

_…the future…_

_…you're not in it…_

_…not in it…_

She was going to die.

The realization descended upon her and wrapped around every contour of her being like a hissing cobra, pressing, squeezing, smothering her. She retched.

The night was silent. Unbearably, heartbreakingly silent. She lifted her throbbing head and looked outside the window, ignoring the fat full moon to stare desperately into the leaves outside.

_I've seen the future…_

A wordless, unintelligible wail tore from the depths of her heart, soaring to an animal crescendo that reverberated from every corner of her mind, deafening her.

The tree was empty.

_…and you're not in it._

* * *

A/N: Wow, I'm crying… brushes away tears so she can see computer screen Maybe it's just me, though….tell me if this chapter seemed melodramatic, cause if it does, I need to fix it…I hope you guys liked this chapter. The ending was my favorite part of it…did you catch the double meaning?

As always, review and tell me if you caught it or not. Flames are totally welcome, provided there's no swearing. In your reviews, also tell me if you want me to add some plot, cause I might have an idea, but I don't want to ruin the story if you guys would prefer a short, heartbreaking, unresolved piece.

Lots of love!

* * *

P.S.: Serenity-hime, you're so marvelous. You always give such wonderful reviews…they make me so happy I could explode – or maybe that was the dynamite I swallowed at lunch… wink

Meg-chan, I'm not sure if you're reading this or not, cause you've already read this fic, but if you are, know that I'm thinking about you. You're awesome, and make sure you put your baka in his place!


	3. Senshi

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A/N: A new chapter finally out… I'll admit, I wasn't quite sure what to do with this story, and I'm still kind of foggy on it, but I'll write and see how it goes from there…

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon.

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Why We Can't

Chapter Three: Senshi

* * *

_

* * *

__

* * *

_

"Jupiter! Get Rini out of here, now!"

"But, Sailor Moon – "

"I said NOW, Jupiter!"

Sailor Moon could see the hesitation written across the Jovian Senshi's face, how she was torn between rescuing the little girl and keeping an eye on her accident-prone leader. After all, no one knew, anymore, if Tuxedo Mask would show up if Serena were in danger. Sailor Moon, always the klutziest of the Senshi, was now walking a tight rope without a net.

The small blonde soldier waited until Jupiter had scooped up the pink-haired child and whisked both of them out of sight. Then she whirled, just in time to meet the onslaught of buffeting wind the youma sent at her.

She crossed her arms in front of her face. It felt like her skin was being peeled away from her bones, the wind was so strong – she felt her boots scrape backwards on the pavement.

"Urgh!" The grunt escaped Sailor as she twisted her body into a backwards flip that carried her out of the youma's tunnel of wind. She landed in a graceful crouch and felt a flood of pride rush through her at the successful execution of the maneuver. Her, Serena the klutz, pulling off a gymnastic stunt like that! Finally, she was growing up, and taking her place as Senshi leader. Finally, she would be able to protect her friends, instead of vice versa!

It didn't matter that he wasn't here to see it. It didn't matter that he didn't care enough to see it. It didn't matter, despite the tears that stung her eyes.

"Aw, chin up, Sailor Brat!"

Before Sailor Moon could even look up, the youma had slammed her against a wall, suspending her a foot in the air with a clawed green hand.

Tears fell fast and hateful from Sailor Moon's eyes, hatred directed not at the youma but at herself. She had been too busy congratulating herself for some stupid jump to even notice the youma coming up behind her. What kind of Senshi was she? It would be better when she died. She wouldn't be able to screw up battles anymore, like she always did now. It would be better when she died…

But still that pleading voice called out in her head, her heart still groping outwards for that presence, for that redemption and rescue…

_Darien…_ Her fingers clawed at the youma's grasp, but to no avail. White dots swam across her vision. _…you can't leave me! Not now!_

But it would be so much better when she died. So much better…

_But…I need you…_

_He_ wouldn't have that pain and anger in his eyes anymore. The Senshi wouldn't get hurt needlessly over and over again saving her klutzy butt from youmas…

_…I…will die…_

"Let her go."

A whistling noise, the faint scent of roses…

It didn't matter that white had completely obscured Sailor Moon's vision – the shadowy figure that threw the rose and dusted the youma vanished back into the night far too quickly for her to have been able to spot him even if she had been able to see.

But slowly, her eyes unfogged, the condensation dripping down her face. She realized she was in a kneeling position with her back against the wall, that her knees were stinging and wet with blood.

Her eyes landed on the blur of red in the snow a few feet in front of her. Her trembling hands reached out, slowly, tentatively, as though it were a Venus Fly Trap instead of a rose.

Her gloved fingers brushed the wilting petals then drifted down to close desperately around the stem. A hiss of breath escaped her lisp in a white cloud. She stared in silent shock at the crimson stain swiftly spreading across her palms.

Thorns.

The rose fluttered to the ground. The broken Senshi quickly followed, collapsing on the ground in a snowdrift of golden snow. Sobs and shivers shook her frame.

She was so cold.

* * *

"Did you hear? Shields dumped his girlfriend."

"No way! You mean the hot blonde one?"

"Duh – what other blondes are there in Tokyo?"

"Yeah, I know, but…she was so…_sweet_. Why'd he dump her?"

"I dunno – but I sure won't complain if she wants to cry on my shoulder!"

"Who would? Man, Shields is an idiot for letting that one get away…"

The two boys strode away with careless laughter, blissfully unaware of the booth of girls watching them from the back of the Crown arcade. An uncharacteristic silence reigned over this group of girls.

Lita was the first to break the silence with an uneasy laugh. "Well, look at that –you've got heaps of guys hankering after your heart, girl! You don't need him!"

No one needed to ask who the willowy brunette meant by "him."

The blonde to whom she had directed her words continued to stare out the window, as she had for the past half hour. Her bloodshot blue eyes did not waver as she said in a strained voice, "Thanks, Lita."

"I've got an idea." Rei shoved her empty milkshake glass out of the way, pressing her palms on the table and leaning forward towards the other girls. "Let's go to the movies tonight, Serena. It's been forever since we had a girls' night, just us without any Senshi business."

"Rei!" said Ami, scandalized, glancing around the arcade to make sure no one had heard. But no one was paying any attention to the group of girls; the out-of-the-way booth they had ushered Serena into had served them well. "Not so loud!"

"Aw, no one's listening, Ami," dismissed Mina with a smile to take any of the sting out of her words. "I like Rei-chan's idea; how's about it, girls? I'm free."

"It's not like I'm ever doing anything but watching Lifetime," put in Lita, leaning back and knotting her fingers behind her neck. Her green eyes flicked subtly in the direction of her blonde friend, who was still stirring her milkshake and staring out the window. "And there's that new flick with the hot guy that I've been DYING to see… can you go, Rei?"

"Duh, I was the one who came up with the idea, of course I can go," Rei drawled with a roll of her eyes. Lita kicked her. "Ow! God, Lita, it's bad enough that you kick me, but don't shock me at the same time!"

"Sorry. Comes with the fuku." Lita waggled her eyebrows. "Ami? Can You go?"

"Absolutely," said Ami instantly. The girls smiled at her; it was a mark of how much she was worried about Serena that she hadn't even pulled out a text book the whole hour they'd been at the arcade and that she was so quickly sacrificing a night of her sacred studying to go to the movies. "What's your verdict, Serena?"

"I…my parents are going to a dinner party tonight," Serena said, slowly, as though each word was painful. She didn't really want to go to the movies with her chattering, happy friends, but at the same time, she was desperate to escape the desolation of her dark room. Desperate not to be alone again… "But I don't want to leave Rini alone at home…"

"Oh, but Sammy'll be home, right? He's what, thirteen?" Lita was quick to inject. "And Luna'll be there, too, it's not like she can't keep an eye on them both and give us a call on the communicator if she needs to. You need a break, Serena."

"Yeah." Mina tapped her friend's forehead. Serena turned and gave her a sickly smile. "Please, come with us, Serena." She leaned her forehead against Serena's, smiling somewhat sadly at her. Her eyes held a painful knowledge that Serena had never seen before, and suspected was a vestige of the Silver Millennium. "This is the time when you are most vulnerable. Don't cut yourself away from us when we need each other most, okay?"

"Serena won't," said Lita with a confident smile. "She knows how much we need her!"

_How much you need what? A klutzy, worthless leader who risks your lives every day with her mistakes?_

"She better not abandon us!" Rei exclaimed, reaching over and fondly tugging one of Serena's pigtails. "We were with you way before Endymion came, and we'll be here long after he's gone! We don't need that Terran pig!"

"It's true." Ami bumped Serena's elbow with her own, an affectionate gesture that the shy genius must have struggled to screw up the guts for. She smiled warmly at Serena from behind her glasses. "I must point out that even though you and he were a couple when Beryl attacked the Moon Kingdom, that doesn't mean that you were meant to be like everyone assumed. You were both very young, and it was entirely possible that in a few years you would have broken up like normal teens our age. You don't need him, Serena."

The small blonde forced a smile at her blue-haired friend, averting her eyes so that the girl could not see the pain flashing in her eyes. As she did so, her eyes grazed Mina's, and she felt a jolt at the knowing in the girl's darkened blue orbs. Mina, the seemingly ditziest of the Scouts, the one Serena had always felt the least connected to, was the only one who seemed to understand what she was feeling at this moment, when even the ultra-sensitive Ami only seemed to be rubbing salt in the wound.

Serena tore her eyes away from Mina's, wrapping her arms around herself. Her pain was her own, no one else's. Not Mina's, not Lita's, not Ami's, not Rei's… and not Darien's.

"…so what do you say, Serena?"

"Huh?" Serena blinked away her thoughts, focusing on Lita.

The brunette ruffled her friend's hair teasingly. "I said, what do you say to the movie, Serena-chan? Shall we meet at six at the theater and make a girls' night out of it?"

"I – I suppose so," answered Serena.

"Awesome!" Rei stood. "I gotta go, then – see ya guys tonight!"

"It's a good thing it's Friday," said Ami, also standing. "I've got to go finish typing my research paper before six, then. See you, guys."

"Wait, I'll go with you, Ames." Lita slid out of the booth. "Ja, guys."

Mina waved. Serena smiled weakly. "Bye, Lita."

The two blondes were left in the booth. The bell at the arcade door chimed, and Serena's eyes flicked automatically to the entrance. Her absent-minded stirring of her milkshake stilled.

"Serena." Mina's voice tugged her gaze away from the black-haired upperclassman who had just entered the arcade and was seating himself in a stool.

Serena turned back around. Silently, Mina got up and walked around to the other side of the booth, sliding in beside Serena. Without a word, the former Moon Princess dropped her head on her Senshi's shoulder and began to cry noiselessly. Mina wrapped her arms around her princess' shoulders, and rocked her, back and forth, knowing that no words could fill the silence.

* * *

_"Maria…you have to leave."_

_"No! Adam, no! I won't leave without you!"_

_"Maria, I won't let you risk yourself for me!"_

_"And I won't let you kill yourself for me! Now come with me, please, Adam – " The lace-clad herione sobbed, tugging at her beloved's sleeve in vain. "I don't want to live without you!"_

_"Listen to me!" Maria fell still as Adam's eyes flared fire and he grabbed her. "You and me – we were…we…we were wonderful, Maria. **You **were wonderful. But this could never be anything more than a pleasant dream. We weren't meant to be."_

_"How can you tell me that!" Tears spilled down Maria's face. "How can you tell me that when – when – when you can make me feel like **this** – " She grabbed his face and yanked it down to hers, meeting their lips in a kiss that tasted of salt. After a moment, she let him go, staring up at him with despair etched across her face._

_"If this is just a dream," she whispered hoarsely, "Then I never want to wake up."_

_"And if…" Adam swallowed painfully, eyes raw with swirling emotion. "If this is a nightmare, Maria?"_

_A gunshot sounded. _

_Maria's eyes widened, then dimmed. Her hands slipped from where they had cupped his face._

_She never got to answer. _

* * *

"Oh, man, I didn't know that was gonna be an artsy movie!" Lita exclaimed, slamming her fist in her palm as they joined the jostling river of people streaming through the dark theater towards the small square of light that was the exit. The room was dark except for the dim light of the credits, which rendered the people into mere shadows and lent a mystical atmosphere to the room. "They always have depressing endings; if I'd have known, I wouldn't have suggested it. I'm so sorry, Serena!"

"It's…okay…" Serena responded dazedly, barely even hearing Lita's frantic apology. Her eyes were fastened on a tall man stepping into the aisle. As she paused to let him pass, a woman stepped into the aisle after him and was enfolded by his arms. He lowered his head to her ear, murmuring something to her, and she leaned against him as they walked toward the exit.

Something cold and heavy coiled in Serena's chest, like a serpent settling down to rest, and her eyes dulled as she watched the couple grow further and further away. How she longed for that security, that warmth, that belonging. Behind her stood her friends, and crammed all around her were dozens of people, but never in her life had she felt so alone.

* * *

"Help! Somebody, help! PLEASE!"

The scream tore into Serena's eardrums. _Youma._

"Quick! Rei, take Serena!" Lita whipped out her henshin wand.

Serena felt herself shoved into the priestess's arms. She struggled out of her grasp, spun around. "What are you doing, Lita!"

"Serena – " Ami was standing next to Lita. "You're not in a very good condition, and we don't want you to get hurt. So just this time, go with Rei, please?"

"What?" Serena shook her head, confused. _I must have heard wrong._ "You mean…what did you say?"

"Meatball Head, you're the princess, and you're not stable right now." _Trust Rei to cut straight to the point._ "We can't trust you in battle right now."

Serena's heart fell to her toes. The words hurt, yes, but she couldn't blame her friend for saying them. What hurt the most was that Rei was _right_. _They CAN'T trust me in a fight. What am I good for? Distracting the youma with my screaming?_

"Fine." Serena tore away from Rei. "But I can take care of myself." She nodded at Rei. "Go. You're going to need all the power you can get without the scepter."

Rei threw her a suspicious look, but bounded off with the other Senshi. Serena waited until she was sure they were out of sight, then broke into a run in the opposite direction, darting into the tiny alley between the movie theater and ice cream shop. They were right, it was safer without her in a fight, but like hell was she going to let them fight a youma without her. She thrust a hand into the air.

"_Moon Crystal Power!_"

The red, white, and blue-clad Senshi jumped once, jumped twice, then three times, this time landing on the rooftop of the movie theater. She bounded to the opposite side of the roof, and dropped to her knees, peering down at the fight.

The Senshi were more efficient than she'd thought them to be; they already had the youma – a creature with metallic skin and filmstrips shooting out of its palms – cornered. Sailor Moon felt her heart sink a little, though she knew she had no right to be sad at her Senshi's capability, that in fact she should be happy for them. But… _they really don't need me anymore…_

Before this train of thought could be finished, she whipped out her scepter. She'd still rather that the scouts not have to waste the energy annihilating the youma.

"_Moon…Princess…Halation…_" she whispered, taking careful aim from her crouched position. A concentrated silver stream of power shot toward the youma. Sailor Moon gritted her teeth as the familiar sensation of nausea and weakening assaulted her body. But quickly, the youma was a pile of dust, and she could break the flow. She pocketed the scepter and rose shakily to her feet.

"Serena!" Jupiter had landed on top of the roof, as well as Mars, whose eyes were flashing. "You were supposed to stay hidden!"

"I…"

"Really, Serena, I expected better of you." Now Mercury had appeared, with Venus silent beside her.

"I…"

"Oh my, we're not having a cat fight, are we?"

All of the Scouts spun at the mocking voice. Sailor Moon's heart skipped a beat in her chest.

_I've seen the future…_

"Get lost, Rubeus!" Mars bit out at the flame-haired man who was floating in midair above them. A charm appeared between her fingers. "Can't you see that Rini's not here?"

Rubeus smiled; it was an expression he used not to display his amusement, but to bare his teeth at them. "What makes you think that she's who I'm after, firebrand?"

He blurred and disappeared in a shower of pink sparks.

"On your guard!" commanded Venus in a shout, jerking her head towards Sailor Moon. "Jupiter, get Moon out – "

"Ah!" _Too late. _A gasp of air whooshed out of Sailor Moon's mouth as muscular arms clamped around her neck. Her arms flew up to scrabble at the chokehold. He laughed at her vain attempt; she could feel his laughter strumming through her bones, she was pressed so close. Shudders of revulsion ran through her.

"Scared, aren't you, little bunny?" His breath was hot against the side of her face. "Oh yes, I know who you are, Moon Brat. My prince sees all."

"Let her GO!" Lightning sizzled past them; Sailor Moon whimpered as Rubeus crushed her closer to avoid Jupiter's attack. The acrid stench of ozone assaulted her nostrils. She had the feeling that she would have thrown up already if Rubeus' arm hadn't been so tight around her throat.

"NO MORE OF THAT!" Rubeus bellowed, anger crackling in his voice. Dozens of blinding balls of energy flashed to life in his free hand, close to Sailor Moon's face. Sweat broke out on her forehead, slickening her tiara on her brow. "Another stunt like that one and it's goodbye to the bunny – capiche?"

_My fault… _Tears fell once again down Sailor Moon's face, a silent rain watering her bleeding heart. _I always ruin things…_

"No!" Mars leapt forward. "Let her go, take me – "

Rubeus laughed harshly. "You think our prince wants a fiery fishwife like you? All our prince cares about you is that you die, either now or in the future – he's not picky." He hauled Sailor Moon closer by her hair, digging his fingers into the golden mass. "This one, on the other hand – _this_ one's important." He leered; the Scouts shrieked furiously. He let her go. "Although maybe we could make a little bargain, hmm?" He eyed the four Senshi speculatively.

"Take me." Sailor Venus pushed forward, shoving Mars behind her and staring up at Rubeus expressionlessly. "Give her back, and take me."

Sailor Moon heard Rubeus catch his breath slightly, then speak loudly. "Well… you do greatly resemble her…"

_No!_ Sailor Moon's heart jumped; white spots were clouding her vision, but she began to struggle in Rubeus' iron grip. _She can't! I'm the one who needs to die – I'm the one who's **supposed **to – _

"Stop that!" Rubeus yanked her hair viciously; lights exploded behind her eyeballs. She fell completely still, but for the tears trickling down her face and onto Rubeus' arms. _Don't…Darien…_

"Rubeus!" A voice echoed through the air, harsh and commanding. "Stop playing around with them and return with her immediately!"

Sailor Moon dimly felt Rubeus flinch. By now, her vision consisted of white and a little smear of black in the middle where the white had not reached yet.

"…course…Prince…" Rubeus' voice tuned in and out; everything was coming in bits and pieces: her hearing, her sight…

_Darien…sorry…everyone…_

The black blur disappeared.

* * *

A/N: Tell me what you want. More plot like this chapter? Or poetic depression like the first two? I'm willing to accommodate either. 


	4. Away From Her

A/N: Slight OoC. Maybe more than slight. I don't know.

Disclaimer: Me? Own Sailor Moon? I wish!

* * *

Why We Can't

Chapter Four: Away From Her

* * *

_I have wished for the same thing every night since these nightmares first invaded my subconscious. Wished over and over and over again, that we could just to return to what we were before, to go back…_

_To that one night._

_

* * *

_

_The light that poured down from the sky was blue, as blue as her wonderful, open eyes. It lent an ethereal sheen to her skin – no, she looked ethereal without it. Which made sense. She was, after all, from the moon. But she was here now, with him, where she belonged – he smiled._

_"Darien?" She bumped her forehead against his and smiled adorably. "Whatcha smiling at?"_

_"What else?" He brushed his lips across hers, then leaned back against the tree trunk on the sturdy branch they were perched on. "You."_

_She giggled and crawled into his lap, picking up his hand and beginning to study the lines of his palm curiously. "How'd you know I wanted to see you tonight?" Her voice held laughter, but also sincerity._

_"Because you want to see me every night, of course." He played with her hair as she played with his fingers, curling and uncurling them one by one. _

_"Well, aren't you the mind-reader," teased Serena, bending her head backwards to look up at him._

_"Only one of my many talents."_

_"Ooh, someone's ego definitely needs puncturing."_

_"Hmph. See if Tuxedo Mask ever whisks you off on a romantic adventure again." He said in a hurt voice, turning resolutely away from her. "It used to be that girls appreciated it their superhero stalkers. Ah, of only those golden days of yore were here once more. Hey, I'm a poet – "_

_" – and you didn't know it," Serena finished, rolling her eyes. "Please, Shields, you can't **rhyme** worth a **dime**."_

_He put a hand to his heart, affecting a heartbroken expression. "If my lady continues to hurt me so, I fear I will fall from this leafy bough."_

_"Stop making such a scene, you drama queen," countered Serena, eyes twinkling._

_"Uh…I can't think of anything, this sucks – maybe I'd have better luck if I was wearing my tux?"_

_"I wouldn't mind," said Serena, leaning her head against his shoulder. "I think this rhyming game is getting kind of lame."_

_"You're right. I think these rhymes might drive me insane." He wrapped an arm around her, threaded the other through her hair, cuddling her close. They sat, still and warm, for a moment, but he couldn't resist one more – "Plus, it looks like it's going to rain."_

_"Darieeeeeeeen!" she squealed, elbowing him in the chest. "You're such a nerd!"_

_"So I've heard." He grinned._

_"No! Stop! Or in the name of the Moon, I will punish you!" She pulled away from his arms and struck a pose._

_"Buns…" He laughed and grabbed her hand, yanking her back down into his arms. He propped his forehead against hers again; it was one of their favorite positions. "What would I do without you?"_

_"Read until your brains all rotted out," answered Serena matter-of-factly. She grinned and kissed him. "Aren't you lucky I found you?"_

_He lifted an eyebrow. "**You **found **me**? Are we forgetting something, Meatball Head?"_

_"Nope." She shook her head resolutely, rocking back to sit on her legs. A few leaves brushed her hair as she moved, and he reached over to brush them out of her hair as she resettled her nightgown. "If I hadn't failed that test and thrown it over my shoulder, we never would've met."_

_"Maybe so, but if **I** had just ignored the test paper instead of insulting you, we never would have gotten to know each other."_

_"Yeah, but if I – " Serena stopped in mid-sentence, and began to chew on her lip, which alerted him to the fact that some serious thinking was going on in her head. "Darien? Do you really think that we never would have met? Like…if you **hadn'**t called me Meatball Head, or… if the Dark Kingdom hadn't come back, and we hadn't needed to find the Silver Crystal?" She stared at him somewhat fearfully. _

_He laced his fingers through hers as he himself pondered the question._

_"I…I don't know, Buns." He frowned at his own uncertainty. "I…think we would have. I mean, we still would have been Serenity's and Endymion's reincarnations, even if we hadn't known that we were…so we were destined anyways, right?" He squeezed her hand._

_Serena sighed, scooting back over to sit beside him, instead of in front of him. Her head went to its customary place in the crook of his neck, and his chin lowered to its established resting place on top of her silky hair. It was like magnetism, or gravity, the invisible force that drew and bound them to each another, determining the destinations of their motions. _

_They sat secure and content in the embrace of each other's arms, watching the moonlight splinter against the wind-swept surface of the lake._

_There was tranquility and happiness that night._

_

* * *

_

_I can still remember every detail of that night. The faint scent of Bun's botanical conditioner, the impossible silkiness of her hair against my skin, the chill bite of the night wind as it shivered through the leaves of the tree, her comforting warmth in my arms. These details are so clear that sometimes I think that the shards of moonlight shattering against the lake must have engraved the memories of that night onto my mind._

_Bizarre as it may seem, my most vivid memory of that night is not of Buns. Not directly. No, what I remember most clearly is the color of the moonlight that spilled onto her face._

_It wasn't silver._

_It was blue._

* * *

**_Don't…_** The mental plea seared into his subconscious like fire-hot brands. He bolted across yet another rooftop, leaping another divide of air, landing in a crouch, leaping up and running again, another leap, another crouch, more running, he was going too slow, too slow –

_Oh God._

_Oh God._

_Don't let this be happening._

**…_Darien…_**

_Don't let me be too late!_

He saw the Senshi, stances tense and fearful. He saw Rubeus, muscled arms clamped tight around something that struggled weakly in his grip.

It was her.

"Tuxedo Mask!" The shouts rang out from three of the Senshi below him. His teeth gritted as his veins boiled with fury – they couldn't even protect her properly, and now they were shrieking like a bunch of bloody banshees, tipping Rubeus off to his presence –

But no matter. Even as the alerted red-haired man spun in mid-air to meet him, his cargo swinging limply in his arms, Tuxedo Mask's cane crunched into his face.

Blood spurted. Like a fountain –

_a fountain, he could remember a fountain, crystal-clear water bubbling forth from it, her laughter bubbling in his ears as they planted roses in the royal gardens –_

_**GET AWAY FROM HER!**_

_**GET AWAY!**_

_**AWAY!**_

Tuxedo Mask's arms loosened around the precious bundle he clutched in his arms, his physical body flinching away from her even as his psyche did. The instant he landed on the gravelly pavement of the roof, he let go of her. His gloved hands flew up to his head, squeezing. A choked scream escaped his throat as he scrambled backward on his knees, away from _her_. **_GET AWAY!_**

**_FURTHER!_**

He let out another sound of anguish, lurching jerkily to his feet. From between his trembling fingers and through his tear-blurred eyes, he could see Rubeus a few feet away, stumbling towards the body lying in the pool of golden silk. Dim pink spheres flickered in his hands; they kindled Tuxedo Mask into motion.

The Senshi watched as a black blur slammed into Rubeus, hurling him to the sidewalk ground two stories below with a sickening thud. Then, much to the horror of the hiding spectators peeking out from around corners and trashcans, the admired masked hero of Tokyo began to ram rose after rose into the man's slack mouth.

"Tuxedo Mask!" Sailor Mercury gasped shrilly and deactivated her visor, leaping down from the roof. She was swiftly followed by Mars and Jupiter. "Stop it!"

"Cool down, Shields," ordered Jupiter in a low voice, seizing his wrist as it jerked backwards to conjure another rose to add to the bouquet of roses currently using Rubeus' throat as a vase. "The jacka is as dead as he's gonna get. You can't make him any deader."

Jupiter's voice held a blade as she spoke. This Earthling, Tuxedo Kamen, Darien Shields, was the man who had torn her best friend's heart out for no reason; this was the Terran pig whose seduction of her princess had begotten the apocalypse of the Silver Millennium and the deaths of billions. Jupiter had felt fear, moments ago, as she watched him relentlessly rip Rubeus' throat like a Bellevue escapee, but now she felt only icy, sharp-edged hatred. She dropped his wrist in disgust.

Tuxedo Mask dropped the rose still in his hand. His hat was long-gone, but that made him no easier for the Senshi to read; he still wore his ever-present mask and stony face.

"Is she alright?"

Jupiter frowned and glanced him over, checking him for some injury that might have caused the harsh rasp of his voice and the way his words hitched in throat, as though he were in pain. She could find none.

A golden blur flashed in the corner of her eye. She pivoted to see Venus in a crouch between her and Tuxedo Mask. Sailor Moon flopped like a lifeless doll across her shoulder. Humungous yellow and green bruises were already becoming visible against the pristine white of her neck. Jupiter hissed. Tuxedo Mask stumbled away.

"You'll take care of her?" His words were squeezed out with effort, like the last of the frosting from a tube of icing.

"Of course we will, you bast - " Jupiter began furiously, but stopped as she realized irritably that the black-clad man wasn't even listening to her. His dark eyes, behind the mask, were directed at Venus, who nodded at him with the most infinitesimal movement of her head. Before she had even finished moving, he had melted away into the shadows.

"What the hell, Venus?" Jupiter demanded, advancing on the orange scout and transferring their princess from Mina's shoulders to her own. Her muscles, quivering with barely-contained fury, were none too gentle, but she was too agitated to rectify that. "You're not siding with that waste of flesh!"

"Of course not, Jupiter," answered Venus in a weary voice. "I'm just…" she sighed. "Look, we gotta get moving. People are getting interested." She gestured to the civilians emerging from their hiding spots. "Your place, Mars?"

"No, mine," Mercury interrupted. "My mom's working night shift, and we've got the materials at home if Sere – Sailor Moon should need medical attention."

"Right-o. We're off, then."

* * *

_Get a grip, Darien_. He clutched his head tight, trying to will away the excruciating migraine thrashing like an agitated cobra in his skull. _God, it hurts._ And the constant jolting of jump and run, jump and run, across the rooftops wasn't helping. He finally decided to stop, and dropped down right there on top of some skyscraper.

_They almost took her_. His sweaty, gloved fingertips massaged his equally perspiring forehead, kneaded his eyeballs. _He was going to take her away._ And he almost hadn't stopped them.

The Senshi hadn't been able to do anything – they never had been able to do anything, though…he could remember in the past life, when Beryl had come after them with the generals. It had been Serenity who interposed herself between Mercury and a leering Zoicite, Serenity who grabbed the dagger from Mercury's belt and taken the corrupted man's life, Serenity who had sullied her hands with murder for the sake of her friend. In the end, it was never the Senshi protecting their princess; it was Serena protecting _them_. And him – he was the one who was supposed to protect _her_. Fine job he was doing of it! Letting her cry herself to sleep every night, letting her get beat up and tossed around by youma, nearly letting her get kidnapped by lecherous Black Moon henchmen – Darien's fists clenched to match the knotting of his stomach. The list went on and on; ever since those dreams had come and he had deserted her in order to protect her, it seemed as though she'd been getting hurt more than ever before. Or maybe that was just his hopeful side trying to convince him that he didn't have to stay away from her –

**_AWAY. AWAY FROM HER, ENDYMION. YOU WILL BE HER DEATH._**

A muffled scream escaped his throat. His hands buried in his hair. That voice! That cursed, damned, omnipresent _voice_! The same voice from the dreams, the same voice that kept up a running commentary of her death as he helplessly watched her blood leak away, night after night. The voice that surfaced whenever his thoughts lingered too long on her, when he caught a glimpse of her hair or a whiff of her scent, when he felt her transformation and morphed into Tuxedo Mask, when he held her in his arms – which was all too rarely as of late!

**_YOU WILL BE HER DEATH._**

But he couldn't be! He protected her, he didn't hurt her…

_Oh, like you're not hurting her now?_ An image of Serena curled up in bed, face sticky with tears, surfaced in his mind, superimposed over an image of Serenity, face sticky with blood. _For the past one thousand years, you have been nothing but pain to her._

_**AWAY. AWAY FROM HER, ENDYMION.**_

* * *

"How is she, Ami?"

"No internal bleeding that I can discern." The blue-haired girl clicked her computer shut, sliding into the breakfast nook beside Lita. Rei scooted over to make room; Mina rose and began to pace. "Various bruises, but none worse than the ones on her throat. If we have her transform when she wakes up, and sleep in her Sailor form tonight, they should all be healed by tomorrow morning."

"Lucky it's Friday," commented Lita. "Mina, you've got her mom covered?"

Mina merely nodded, finishing her dialing on the phone and retreating around a corner to tell the usual lie about a study-session-turned-sleepover to Serena's mother.

"She _will_ wake up, won't she, Ami?" asked Rei as Mina left earshot.

"She will, but she needs sleep." Ami opened her laptop again. "Badly. She's suffering from an intense case of chronic fatigue."

"Cause of him." Lita's voice was a growl, her fists clenched on the tabletop. Sparks arced across her skin.

"Calm down, Lita, your're interfering with my batteries," said Ami irritably as her laptop's screen flickered. "Go put that energy to something useful, like cooking up some food. We're going to have to force something down Serena's throat when she wakes up; she hasn't been eating properly."

Lita stood, cracking her knuckles. "Anything in particular I should make?"

"Proteins and carbohydrates," answered Ami absently, pushing her glasses up onto her nose as she surveyed something on her computer screen. She began to clack away at the keyboard, her fingers blurring across the keys. "More of the former than the latter. Her body's going to need the protein to heal, and she needs energy, both to use and to store away."

"Gotcha." Lita disappeared into the kitchen. "Fity omelettes and twenty pancakes coming up."

Rei moved over to Lita's vacated chair for a better vantage point of Ami's computer screen. Her eyes scanned the scrolling lines of data, then flicked to the blue-haired Senshi. "What's in your head, Ami?"

"I want to know why Rubeus went after Serena," replied Ami, continuing to type, though her rapid speed slowed slightly. "The Black Moon has only ever expressed an interest in Rini before."

Rei nodded, eyes narrowed as she followed Ami's train of thought. "Rubeus said Sailor Moon was important…to his prince."

"It's bad enough that Rubeus has a prince, much less a prince with an interest in Serena," stated Ami. "Based on our past experiences, this prince character is likely to be at least twice as powerful as Rubeus."

"Do you think that was his voice? The one telling Rubeus to get a move on and bring Serena back?"

"That conclusion is quite probable, but not very significant." Ami pinched the bridge of her nose. "Rubeus seemed slightly confused by Mina's resemblance to Serena. Did you notice that?"

"Yeah. But again, don't have any idea what to make out of it. He wasn't ogling her like he was Serena."

Ami bit her lip. "It's possible…that this prince's interest in Serena is, ah, purely hormonal, Rei. What do you think of that theory?"

"I think it's extremely disturing." Rei's eyes narrowed to slits. "And if any guy – this prince dude, or Darien, or anyone – lays a finger on Serena, I'll personally rip out their intestines and feed them to Phobos and Deimos."

"Hear, hear!" shouted Lita from the kitchen, over the sound of sizzling. Her laughter joined Rei's, and it was not a reassuring sound. "Serena's already put up with enough crap from the pig."

"Guys! You'll wake Serena!" scolded Ami. "And Mina's still on the phone with Mrs. Tsukino!"

"Not anymore, Ames." Mina appeared from the hallway and replaced the phone in its cradle. "Lita, come in here a sec. The four of us've gotta talk."

"Coming. Just lemme flip this last pancake. Okay." Lita emerged from the kitchen, untying her apron. A frown sat on her lips. "Ready to talk."

"We have a…little problem." Mina rubbed one long calf against the other, twirling the phone cord around her finger. "I couldn't get in touch with Serena's mom because she was at that dinner party that Serena mentioned."

"Oh, yeah!" Lita frowned. "I forgot all about that."

"Me, too," added Ami, while Rei nodded. "Who did you talk to, then?"

"Sammy. Which was fine, he said he would tell his parents when they got home that Serena was over here. But he said that Rini's really lonely, and she wanted one of us to come get her."

"And what did you say?" Rei groaned.

"Um…that one of us would go get her." Mina attempted an innocent smile. It was not returned.

"Stupid! Stupid Mina!" Rei flicked the blonde in the head with none of her usual gentleness.

"Really, Mina, I must concur with Rei," said Ami with a frown. "How are we going to bring Serena out of her depressed state with Rini around? You know how she snipes at Serena – even worse than Rei. Serena does not need those sort of attacks on her right now."

"I know that, I know that!" Mina held up her hands palm out, sobering suddenly. "But seriously, you guys – what about how Rini feels? A little girl without her mother, all alone with Serena's brat of a brother, in the middle of the night with Black Moon scumbags after her."

"Hmm, let's see." Lita lifted her hands, cupping them and raising them alternately up and down, as though they were scales she was weighing. "Princess who we were reborn to protect…" She lifted one arm. "Or pink-haired brat who hurts said princess's feelings every chance she gets." She lifted an eybrow. "Ooh, hard choice, Mina."

"Guys." Mina's voice was quiet as she looked from Ami to Rei to Lita. "What would Serena want us to do?"

* * *

"Going to Ami's house with Mi-na, to make fun of Sere-na," Rini sang as she skipped down the sidewalk as few steps ahead of Mina. "Because Sere-na's a hy-ena –"

"Rini."

The little girl stopped and twirled around, pink pigtails bouncing. Her bright, innocent smile was in glaring contrast with her song. "What, Mina?"

Mina sank down in front of Rini, eyes searching. "I don't know what you have against Serena, Rini, and at the moment, I don't care. But you are going to promise me that you won't say anything mean to her tonight or tomorrow. Got it?"

"Who died and made you queen?" demanded Rini, crossing her arms. "You can't boss me around! I can be as mean to the Meatball Head as I want!"

"Fine." Mina stood up and pointed back down the street from where they had just come. "Then go home."

"I – "

"Now."

"Fine!" Rini pouted. "I won't be mean to Serena, okay? Now let's go!"

* * *

A/N: If you're one of those people who like to comb pieces of writing for literary devices, hope you have fun with this one. There's definitely a big piece of foreshadowing here, but I think a lot of people are going to miss it.

In your reviews – please leave some, I'll love you forever! – please tell me

a.) what you think of my Sere/Dare interaction in the first part

b.) Darien's inner turmoil after saving Serena

c.) the Scouts' attitudes

Lots of love!


	5. Deja Vu

A/N: Wow, it's been a logn time since I posted a chapter of this story. I think this one is probably my favorite (after His Grin) because I don't have anything in particular to live up to with this story, unlike STC. Um, the first half of this chapter had been written for weeks, since even before His Grin, I've just been really lazy. (grins) Those of you who are reading, thanks for being so patient.

Um, before we start, I need to alert you guys to something. You know the dream Darien has in the anime, that takes place at his and Serena's wedding? I don't use that dream for this fic. It doesn't fit my plotline.

Disclaimer: Hmm, let's think. If I said I owned it, and Kodansha arrested me, could I plead insanity?

* * *

**Why We Can't**

Chapter Five: Deja Vu

* * *

_At first, there was only the dream. **The **dream, the usual one. Sailor Moon getting speared through the gut by a faceless youma because she jumped in front of the missile meant for him. How slick the blood was, how easy to slip on._

_Then came the images. A furious spate of them, most too fast to see or interpret, in a blur of color. Every so often, the stream would slow down, and he'd see a couple – all of Serena. Serena stumbling over a tree root, Serena being held up by Venus, Serena stirring a milkshake and accidentally knocking it over, Serena doubled over in her fuku while white-sleeved arms reached out of the impenetrable darkness behind her, Serena hugging a crying Rini, Serena twirling an elongated scepter, Serena curled up on her window seat with dark circles smudging her eyes, Serena in her favorite blue jumper and sleeveless white hoodie, stepping off a curb – no, that wasn't a curb, that was a **building** – _

_…_

_…the images faded…_

_…_

_…and dark returned…_

_…_

_…with the sound of labored breathing…_

_…_

_"Darien…"_

_Buns!_

_"Darien…it hurts…where…have you gone…Darien, it hurts!"_

_Calm down, Buns, calm down – where does it hurt?_

_**"…hurts…"**_

_Where? Buns, tell me where! Are you bleeding?_

_"Who is he…Darien, make him go away, please, make him leave, make him leave…!"_

_Buns!_

_**AWAY FROM HER – I SAID **NOW_

_"…no…leave me alone…please!"_

_BUNS!_

Darien gasped and sat up straight in his bed. He blinked through the sweat that poured down his forehead, and the darkness slowly resolved itself into the familiar shadows of his bedroom. _Buns… _The sweat on his skin, sticky like Bun's blood had been. _Just a dream…just another dream…_

But it wasn't. He could feel the sensation in his chest, like a string yanking at his heart, and he knew it was her. She was confused and hurting and terrified – something, or someone had attacked her.

He threw aside the sheets and stumbled from the bed. Rose petals fell to the floor and lay still as he wrenched open the glass doors.

_To hell with that voice – I'm coming, Serena. I'm coming._

_

* * *

_

At Serena's scream, all of the girls sprang into action. Ami grabbed Rini, ready to dash out of the apartment with her if it was another member of the Black Moon, and Lita, Rei, and Mina charged into the guest bedroom. All four clutched their henshin wands tightly.

"Serena? Serena!" Lita shoved her wand back into her Sub-Space pocket and grabbed the thrashing blonde by the shoulders, shaking her violently. "Wake up!"

Bloodshot blue eyes popped open, releasing a flood of hot tears. Serena stared unseeingly at Lita, her limbs trembling crazily in the tangled sheets. She was sobbing in long, dragging gasps.

"Lita, let me through, please." Ami had reappeared with Rini. She handed the girl to Rei and elbowed Lita gently out of the way. "Her bruises must have swollen and constricted her windpipe – she's having trouble breathing. Serena, can you hear me?" She smoothed the blonde's sweat-soaked bangs back from her quickly paling face. "Serena, listen to me."

Serena paid not a speck of attention to Ami; she continured to convulse, her eyes darting around wildly, as though following some apparition that the others could not see.

"Move."

Jaws dropped all around as a hatless Tuxedo Mask appeared and pushed Ami away from Serena.

"Tuxedo Mask!" Rini's shrill exclamation was easily heard above Serena's labored breathing. She leapt out of Rei's arms onto the bed, scrambling up into her favorite hero's lap. "You came!"

"Not now, Rini," Tuxedo Mask gritted out, plucking Rini out of his lap and placing her back on the floor. "One of you take her, please?"

"We're not babysitters, we're Sen – " Rei bit her tongue at Ami's swift look. "I mean,_ fine_." She scooped Rini up and scowled at her. "Keep quiet, you."

"Thank you," said Tuxedo Mask in a steely voice, turning back to Serena. His hand lifted to her face, but then flinched backwards as a spark shot out of Serena's brooch. He spun with a growl, jumping to his feet. "What the hell, Lita!"

Rini gasped, but neither paid any attention.

"You keep away from her," barked the brunette, more sparks arcing between her splayed hands as she moved next to Serena. "You're lucky we don't flay you alive right here and right now for what you did. Get outta my sight."

"_You_, flay _me_?" Tuxedo Mask's voice was deadly soft, and he laughed a little, sitting back down on the bed, careful not to jostle it. The laugh was frightening in its softness, like the nearly mute rustle of a viper through leaves. "I never knew you were such a comedian, Lita."

"Yeah, we'll see if you're still laughing when your skin cells burst into flame," said Lita grimly. "I said, _move_. Rei, put Rini down and take Serena."

Rei handed the shocked child to Mina and moved behind Lita, reaching out to pull Serena out of the bed. Her hand was a couple inches from Serena's when she froze, feeling something cold and sharp against her throat.

"Don't touch her."

Rei turned her head slowly to look into the perfectly serious gaze of Endymion's reincarnation. His cane had extended, and the sharp object at her throat was a blade protruding from the end of the cane. She gulped. "Is that a new feature?"

"Do as he says, Rei," Ami ordered from behind them.

"Don't!" Lita growled.

"Lita, _we_ can't do anything! Look at Serena!" Lita glanced from the corner of her eyes at the blonde girl, whose face was now almost blue; she was motionless but for the quick, hunted darting of her eyes. "Her heartbeat is irregular, her bloodsugar is spiking, and she's not breathing! She's going to die, Lita! If he can help her, _let him_!"

"He can't do anything that we can't – AGH!" Lita screamed, her back arching. The hand that had been spouting electric sparks now steamed slightly. Water dripped from charred fingernails to the carpet. "You ba&#! You threw water on me!"

Tuxedo Mask replaced the empty glass on the nightstand. His blade hadn't wavered from Rei's throat.

"Just let me try to help her." His voice was weary. "I'll bring her right back. You know I will – Mina." His voice held a note of pleading, desperation. "I heard her, she was screaming – someone tried to attack her in her sleep – "

"WHAT!" Lita screeched, whirling on Ami and Mina. "But – how!"

"Lita!" Rei shouted. Lita spun back around, then cursed deafeningly. The bed was empty, Tuxedo Mask was gone, and the curtains were fluttering in the wind from the open window.

* * *

Soft material…caressing her face…her wet, burning, tearstained face. That familiar perfume…soothing her senses. This had to be a dream. But if it was, then she waned to keep sleeping – like Maria. She burrowed her head further into the softness, ignoring the fierce throb of her throat, how it felt like she would retch and gag at any moment. She wanted to keep sleeping…but he would hurt her, too. And she hurt him. She couldn't afford to indulge in her selfish, false fantasies.

"Serena."

She groaned, twisting away from the refuge of his chest, but the sound came out as a pitiful mewl. He wouldn't call her Serena if this was a dream. If it was a dream, he would call her Buns, like he used to. "Darien…the…Senshi?"

"They're fine." He wasn't about to tell her about the cut that was probably on Rei's throat, or Lita's basked flesh – it would only upset her. She could find out later. "Not a scratch on them."

She hated the blankness of his voice. It wasn't fair, that he wasn't feeling as much pain as she was. Wasn't this affecting him at all? _He should be in pain, he should be hurting like I am!_ She froze, stomach churning. _Oh God…what did I just say_? How could she say she loved him when she wanted him to hurt? What kind of love was that?

It…wasn't. She was horrible. She didn't deserve him. Maybe Mercury was right, that they never were meant to be at all. Their engagement had just been the result of teenage hormones…as meaningless as any of J.Lo's nuptials…

"Are you okay?"

"I'm…fine…" Her shaky hands wobbled up to clutch her head. Her eyes remained closed; she was too afraid to open them, too afraid that if she did, he would turn out not to be there at all, and she would just be hallucinating – or worse yet, she would find herself in the arms of that man, that horrible man. "What…happened?"

"That's what I want to know. After Rubeus attacked you, the Senshi took you away – then, not half an hour later, I hear you screaming through the link. What happened?"

"Nothing." She steeled her trembling limbs and turned her face away from him. "You're not…the only one….who's been…having…nightmares."

"Like hell was that a nightmare!" he growled. "Serenity, I felt his presence! Don't you dare try to keep this from me!"

"Oh, like…you've…been keeping…your dreams…from me?" she shot back in a ragged voice that was as close to a snarl as he had ever seen her. Her eyes opened, flashed, poured invisible venom onto him, but that only incensed him further.

"This isn't about me," he snarled back. "This is about _you_. Tell me what happened, Serena!" _Tell me so I can protect you!_

"No." Serena climbed shakily to her feet. Keepign her knees from buckling was a near a Herculean effort. Luckily, her jumper hid the trembling limbs from his sight. _You don't love me anymore. I was never worthy of your love, anyways – maybe neither of ever loved each other after all. Maybe it was just a dream. Whether it was or not, I'm not going to let you do this anymore. _

"You don't know anything about those dreams," Darien gritted out. She could feel his eyes on her, alert for any sign that she might stumble or falter. He would protect his honor by protecting her before he even thought about his own safety. Now it was her turn to protect him, it seemed. Had it hurt him this bad every time he had protected her? Probably not, if the contempt in his voice was any indication.

That realization ignited a little flame of bitterness in her heart once more. Enough to cauterize the wound she was about to inflict. But not enough to chase the shadows of fear from her heart. When Darien was gone, who would protect her from that man?

"No, of course I don't know anything about the dreams." Why was it so hard to pour poison into her voice? Was it because her lungs felt like they were on fire, or was it because she wanted to throw herself into his arms, not make him hate her? "That's why I don't understand why you let them control you. But maybe I shouldn't be surprised – after all, I remember how easy it was for Beryl to brainwash you. Underneath it all, you're just as weak as me." The hypodermic had been inserted, time to empty the needle. She hobbled to the edge of the roof and looked back at him over her shoulder. "Unless you can figure out how to protect _yourself_, I think you should leave the taking care of _me_ to myself and the Scouts."

She stepped off the edge. Horror filled Darien's stomach, hurling bile into his throat. His mind flashed back to the dream – _Serena in her favorite blue jumper and sleeveless white hoodie, stepping off a curb – no, that wasn't a curb, that was a **building**_…

**_AWAY FROM HER, ENDYMION._**

_Serena in her favorite blue jumper and sleeveless white hoodie, stepping off a curb _

_Serena…jumper…stepping…curb_

_**YOU WILL BE HER DEATH.**_

_no…was a building…_

_I saw it…I've seen her do that before…_

_No…_

_No!_

Darien buried his face in his hands. His cheeks were, once again, wet.

* * *

A/N: I think there's gonna be a lot of questions about this chapter. Or at least one, in particular, but don't worry. All will be revealed in Chapter Six. Um…please review. If the story's getting to melodramatic, tell me. Beat me down! I need CRITICISM! 


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